Positive Parenting: Why Doesn't My Teen Trust Me? As a veteran parent, I often get asked questions about raising children. Teenage years seem to be the toughest for many parents. This is in part due to the fact that kids start becoming independent. One question people ask often is "Why doesn't my teen trust me?" Is the parent at fault when teenagers don't trust them? Is there a deeper reason or is this just a part of the transition into adulthood?
Does your teen have reason not to trust you? Take a look at how you interact with your teen. Do you break promises to him? Do you do more talking than listening? Perhaps your teen is afraid you will want him to do things just like you and his beliefs differ from yours. Examine your relationship to see what you can do to build upon trust. It is not always the parent's fault when this happens. There also may be a simpler explanation. But don't automatically assume the problem can't lie with you. Your teen may simply be looking for a friend, not a parent. Let her trust in her friends rather than you when she needs to. It is not necessary for her to tell you everything about her life. While it is hard to realize that our children are growing up, we need to give them their own space. Just because she isn't trusting in you, does not mean you are a bad parent. She may simply need a close friend to lean on. This is perfectly healthy and normal. Listen, but don't talk. Sometimes a teen just wants to vent. Don't analyze the situation. Just sit there and hear what she has to say. It can be difficult to listen without trying to solve the problem. But be confident in your parenting skills. Ask questions instead of providing solutions. Your teen can and should think for himself. This not only helps him learn to trust you, but also teaches invaluable problem-solving skills. You can offer advice later. But when your teen is opening up, it is best to be minimal with your words and let her express her concerns. Discuss issues you faced as a teen. This is one of the most important things you can do for your child. While you may not think so, teens do listen to their parents. They may protest and say things like "It was different when you were a kid, Mom" or "You don't understand!" But trust me, they hear you. When difficult situations arise, they will think back to many of the things you have discussed over the years. Remember those days when your parents gave you advice? You may not have been too happy to hear it. But chances are, you have applied some or all of it over the years. Give your teen the chance to make her own decisions and learn from doing, just like you did. Keep a parent to child journal. A journal where you each write notes to each other can help bring you closer together. When your teen is frustrated, it may be easier to write things out on paper than tell you to your face. You can write back after reading each note written to you. That way, your teen can read the responses when she is more comfortable. The journal can be used both for fun and lighthearted discussions, as well as more serious ones. Some trust issues may be cause for deeper concern, such as bullying, mental health issues, and more. This article is for informational purposes only and is not meant to diagnose or treat any conditions. Always seek appropriately licensed health care specialists for advice specific to your child. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network
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Positive Parenting: Encouraging Educational Responsibility in Kids Many times successes and failures in school can be traced to educational responsibility. Is your child in charge of his success – or failure when it comes to learning? If you find yourself helping too much or taking the blame for his achievements (or lack thereof), you may not be giving your child enough educational responsibility. Provide access to a variety of study materials. When children have ready access to books and other educational materials, it's easier for them to become naturally in tune to learning. You don't have to spend large sums of money if you don't have it, but try to have things around that are helpful to their education. Manipulatives, educational videos, and hands-on science kits are great tools, in addition to books. Some libraries will loan out these items if you cannot afford to purchase them or would just prefer to be able to return them when finished. Never do their work for them. When your child is seemingly having a nervous breakdown, it's easy for some to just give the answers. Do not do this. Instead, give your child some time to calm down and encourage him to try again. You can help for explanation purposes. But allow the child to complete the work on his own. Educational responsibility is easier to come by when it is a natural habit in the household. Incorporate independent study. In addition to any homework, kids need to study things on their own as well. This could be additional information for what they are working on in required studies. But it may also be a free topic the child is interested in. Encourage your kids to learn new things, be it the history of a fad or more knowledge in required subjects. You may need to make the suggestion or first steps. But in time you will see your child start to automatically do this on his own. The desire for independent study is a good sign your child has some educational responsibility.
Allow room for mistakes. Remember that your child is not perfect. Remind him of this as well. Mistakes are okay. They give him a chance to learn and grow, and are a huge part of educational responsibility. When kids can recognize when they are wrong and need some extra work, this is a sign of responsibility. Let them discover those things within themselves. Encourage your child's interests. When your child has an interest in something, encourage him by providing study materials for that subject. Take him on field trips or play games related to the interest. If your child wants to be a fireman, take him to a firehouse. If she wants to be a doctor, take a hospital tour and buy medical books at her comprehension level. Whatever your child is interested in, encourage (without forcing) him to learn more about it. Let your child tell you what he learns and also what he already knows as well. Let them take responsibility for accomplishments and mistakes. When your child fails a test, do you blame yourself for not pushing him or do you point out to your child what he may have done to receive better results? The answer should be the latter, but many parents will take the blame for the mistakes of their kids, which can lead to them being irresponsible. Do not force learning or use education as a punishment. Never say to your child things like “If you don't clean your room, I'm going to make you do algebra!” This teaches the child education is a bad thing. She is not going to be responsible when it comes to learning if her thoughts about it are negative. Always make learning a positive experience and offer it freely, rather than forcing the child to participate. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network Tired of your kids not listening to you? Are you expecting too much of them? As a seasoned parent, I know how frustrating it can be when kids just don't want to listen. Perhaps you are treating them like property rather than team members. Kids are more likely to listen when they feel they are a part of something. Always remember your kids are team members, not property. Be the boss without being condescending. Just because you are in charge does not mean you should take advantage of this position. Yes, children should be taught to listen to their parents and respect their elders. But there is a big difference between expecting good behavior and demanding perfection. There is no need to make children feel scared or unworthy to get them to behave. In fact, doing so is likely to create the opposite effect you are looking for. Kids are people, not robots. They are living, breathing beings with their own thoughts and opinions. While it may not be what you'd like, children will speak their minds and should be allowed to. This doesn't mean they should run amok. But they also should have a say in some things. They are not robots who can just be ordered to do something and it's done. There is a learning and growing process and there will be bumps along the way. The goal of a parent is not to create a robot, but someone who knows how to make wise choices. Listen to your kid's choices. They might have a good point you didn't think of. Just because your child does not agree with you does not mean he is wrong. Listen to what he has to say. Perhaps he has a valid point. Speaking one's mind is not the same thing as misbehaving. It doesn't mean he wants to go against you. It just means he wants you to listen to his viewpoint. Be understanding, even if you don't choose their option every time. Whether your child's view is one you agree with or not, just listen. If you never hear him out, he will think you don't care what his thoughts are and he will have a valid point. Understand and respect your child's opinions. Being understanding does not always mean being in agreement. But it does mean considering more options than your original one. There are times you will need to form a compromise. Your goal is not to create your clone. It is to teach your child to be a productive member of society in their own unique way. A good parent/child relationship is one where both parties are working together as a team. Remember that your child is not property. You have responsibility to raise him, but ultimately each person is in charge of himself. Note: The author's positive parenting method has evolved into what she calls Upstream Parenting. *I originally published this via Yahoo Contributor Network Navigating the bustling environment of a fast food restaurant with children can be challenging, but with the right strategies, it's entirely possible to ensure they behave appropriately. If you've ever encountered a child treating the restaurant like a playground, you're not alone. As a parent to several well-mannered children, I've seen my share of unruly behavior, yet I’ve managed to keep such incidents at bay with my kids. Here’s how you can do the same, ensuring a peaceful meal for everyone.
Understand the Environment Isn’t a Playground During a visit to a local Chipotle, my children and I observed the disruptive behavior of two young diners who seemed oblivious to the chaos they caused. Their relentless running and the potential dangers it presented—a possible slip from a spilled drink, or worse, choking—highlighted a lack of initial guidance from their caregiver. It’s crucial from the get-go to establish that the dining area is for eating, not for play. Settling children at their table promptly can teach them to associate the space with sitting and eating rather than running and playing. Consistency is Key in Messaging It’s disheartening to see children receive mixed signals from their guardians. In the same Chipotle, it took a considerable amount of time before the children were instructed to sit down, and when they were, the guidance was neither gentle nor consistent. Such inconsistency can confuse children about expected behaviors and boundaries. Clearly lay out expectations right from the start; let your children know that while they can be relaxed, the restaurant is not a place for rough play. Model Appropriate Behavior Children learn by example, and they are always watching and mimicking adult behavior. If a parent is engaged in loud conversations, constantly on their phone, or pacing around, children will likely emulate these actions. To foster good public conduct in your kids, lead by example. Show them how to be respectful and attentive in social settings. This not only teaches them how to behave but also ensures they respect the shared space of others. Keep Basic Needs in Check Another pivotal aspect of managing child behavior is addressing their fundamental needs. At Chipotle, the restless children had not been provided with food or drinks, which were only given out of kindness by the staff. A lack of nourishment can lead to irritable or hyperactive behavior. Always ensure your children are fed and have something to keep them engaged, such as coloring books, crayons, or quiet toys. Meeting these basic needs can significantly enhance their demeanor and reduce the likelihood of disruptive behavior. Implementing these simple yet effective strategies can make your dining experience enjoyable not just for you and your children, but for everyone around you. Remember, a fast food restaurant is a community space, and fostering a considerate and respectful environment starts with you and your children. So next time you're dining out, use these tips to ensure a peaceful and enjoyable meal. LAST UPDATED 5/6/2024 *I originally published a version of this via Yahoo Contributor Network
by Lyn Lomasi, Write W.A.V.E. Media Staff
Is your baby in need of some discipline? If your baby is crying frequently and it's been determined that it isn't a medical issue, you might need these easy discipline tricks for babies. As an experienced mother and former nanny, I have cared for many babies. Disciplining babies is not as difficult as it may seem. With babies, discipline is more about consistency and routine. Babies are not actually misbehaving when whining or crying. That is the way they know how to communicate. Easy discipline tricks for babies should be gentle and offer love, consistency, and guidance.
Love is a Simple, Effective Discipline Trick A happy baby is generally a well-behaved baby, in my experience. What makes babies happier than love? I'm not talking just hugs and kisses either, but those are good too. Love also involves taking care of all of baby's basic needs such as feeding, burping, diapering, clothing, playing, and soothing. Keeping baby happy with basic care, love, and entertainment may be all that is required for some babies. Routine as Discipline is Easy Forming a routine schedule for feedings, naps, playtime, and bedtime is one of the most simple discipline tricks for babies. If the schedule is followed consistently, most babies automatically become accustomed to it. Therefore, this can help avoid instances where the baby wants to get up and play at one or two in the morning. The baby who does this is not misbehaving because during the baby stage it is up to the parent to establish a routine. Changing the routine even once can form unwanted habits. Parental Limits Make for Easy Discipline As a parent, I fully understand wanting to do so many things for your baby. However, we must set limits. Do not give in to every single demand. Of course babies need to have basic needs met and also need to have some fun. However, it can hinder them later if you always give them every single thing they want. For some parents, this may not belong under easy discipline tricks for babies because it can be difficult at times not to give in. But trust me, it will pay off as they become toddlers and start moving into the "Terrible Two's" stage. Toy Purposing Simplifies Discipline Toy purposing is another of my favorite easy discipline tricks for babies. Keep different toys in different areas and for different purposes. Many times when babies get cranky, they actually are just bored. Pulling out different toys can help solve that issue. Have a special set of toys for doctor visits, another for car rides, one for park outings, etc. This way, babies don't bore with the toys as easily. Plus, when they get cranky, it can seem like you are giving them a new toy. If they don't see the same toys all the time, the toys can be a welcome distraction. Positive Redirection Makes Disciplining Babies Easy Some babies can be a little feistier and may need to be gently redirected into a different activity or situation. If a baby is getting frustrated over something, simply remove them from the situation. If two babies are fighting over a toy, remove both babies and give them each a different toy. If a baby is getting frustrated at trying to reach a mobile toy, place the baby away from the mobile for a while. Positive redirection is simply a way to let the baby know that the behavior is not acceptable without even having to say so. You are showing this to the baby with the easy discipline trick of removing the situation. Note: The author's positive parenting method has evolved into what she calls Upstream Parenting. |
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